i’m a NESSessity…

Since Myk tagged me and i’m feeling quite conceited at the moment, i decided to finally write 6 weird things about me. (The part about Myk tagging me, although true, is also a great excuse for me to talk about myself… bwahahaha!)

Here goes:

6 WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME:

1. I LIKE Britney. As a performer at least. I mean, she rocks! Honestly! Not everyone can get away with a red catsuit. "You want a piece o’ me?!"

2. I love grooving to RnB and Hip-hop songs when taking a bath and when dressing up. It just puts me in the "i’m-all-fly-and-hot-mood".

3. I don’t like stuffed-toys. Don’t get me wrong, i appreciate gifts and stuff but trust me, if a get a stuffed-toy, it’ll just stay in one corner of our house providing a perfect habitat for dust and bacteria. I prefer big pillows really…

4. I sometimes wish i were invisible. Observing people (and eavesdropping…hehehe) is one of my favorite pastimes. However, my being visible tends to be a hindrance from doing this effectively. 

5. I’m prone to being abused. For a plethora of reasons: I’m not comfortable with confrontation. I don’t like conflicts. I can be quite stubborn. I’m a submissive person (when i want to). I trust easily. I don’t always say what’s on my mind. (what you see is not always what you get) blah blah blah…

6. I’m not Korean. I’m not Japanese. I’m not Chinese. I’m not Taiwanese…etc. Pure Filipina. Kapampangan to be exact. That’s all i’m ever going to say about it. Wag mong ipilit! haha.

Okidoki…now i’m tagging Ate Noemi, Ate TinTin, and Seatmate Kampi.:)

In light of my previous post about going back to old things and finding happiness in them, I found myself looking through (or more properly put, listening through) some old songs. Not as old as the songs my parents used to listen to. ‘Old’ as in about 5 years ago or so.

And so, I came upon this song - Flying Without Wings, which I’m sure most of you know was popularized by the pop boy band Westlife. (I hear giggles and I see rolling of eyes here. I know! Hear me out first, will you?)

In agreement with you, I also find the Westlife version of this song too cocky and boybandish (Gee, I wonder why?!). Good thing, Ruben Studdard has a version of it… and I love it. I identified with it better. It’s more me.

Sometimes, when songs are at the height of their popularity, they don’t get appreciated for their lyrics. They become popular because they’re easy to listen to and to sing along with. Which was the case here. So now, that all the attention is off of this song, I got the chance to look at it for what it’s really worth. It’s actually a gem of a song when you take a second look at it.

I realized, it does have a nice message. A sweet message. Okay okay, a wonderful message. Sheesh. I have italicized and highlighted the portions that I like best.

Although this thought is still sooo farfetched and some find it even scary, I’ll mention it anyway. I’ll probably include this as one of the soundtracks of my Wedding Day. Bwaha. (Let’s all laugh out loud!) Hey! Can you blame me? I’m a woman for crying out loud! These kinds of rantings are normal for creatures like us. Haha.

Anyway, here it is.

FLYING WITHOUT WINGS

Everybody’s looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You’ll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the faces of their children
Some find it in their lovers eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you find that special thing
You’re flying without wings

Some find it sharing in every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You’ll find it in the works of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You’ll find it in the deepest friendships
The kind you cherish all your lives
And when you know how much that means
You have found that special thing
You’re flying without wings

So impossible as they may seem
You’ve got to fight for every dream
‘Cuz who’s to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

But for me it’s waking up beside you
To watch the sun rise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
At any given time or place

It’s the little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine, all mine

And it’s the flying without wings
‘Cuz you’re my special thing

I’m flying without wings
You’re the place my life begins
And you’ll be where it ends
I’m flying without wings
And that’s the joy it brings
I’m flying without wings

There’s something about old things that make us happy. Old stuff. Old way of life. Old way of doing things. "Old" friends.

Had soooo much fun the other night, I was inspired to write about it. Nothing really spectacular happened. Just went out like the "old" times.

Day’s work finished. Weekend is here. A rendezvous.

Clean up. Dress-down. Light make-up. My divine perfume and off I go.

Picked us up. Met-up. Dinner – Homey Italian style. A treat from my friends.

[boohoo. Made me want to cry. :-)]

Stories. Updates. Laughter.

Heavy rain that night.

Dessert. EXPENSIVE ice cream. (cannot be done every time! Too much of a luxury for me) Enjoyed it that night anyhow.

Stories. Laughter.

Twas time to go home. Night driving. Aaaah!

Dropped off friends. And then there were four.

Drove again. Real fun began.

Still, stories and laughter. (evil laugh)

And then there were three. Two particles and one molecule to be exact.

Our turn to be dropped off. Changed our minds.

Next thing we knew, we were ordering coffee from a cute barrista.

He was cute… and well, that’s about it. Hahahaha.

Okay, he was nice too. But aren’t they all? Hehe.

"One tall brewed coffee for me please." (Wrong move. Suffered from hyperacidity till the next day. Forgot I’m not supposed to drink coffee. Tsk.)

Anyway, grabbed a stirrer and two sachets of brown sugar.

Settled on a comfortable couch.

Serious talk.

Some people may think that Psychology graduates probably spend their leisure time together doing quiet, "introvert" activities because they spend the rest of the day at work, talking to and about people.

Surprisingly, we still spend our leisure time together doing just the same thing.

No, it’s not necessarily "chismis".

A high-end version of that.

"Chismis" is simply talking about WHAT people do.

We don’t do that. We do more.

We talk about WHAT people do and more importantly, WHY. (emphasis at this point)

Analyze Behavior.

Not only others’ but our own as well.

Conscious and subconscious motivations.

Buckets of loud laughter.

This is fun, in a weird sense.

Our Guilty Pleasure.

Analyzing behavior to us is like beer and pulutan to other people.

(at least we don’t get a higher risk of getting liver cancer when we indulge in our version of fun)

We get a hang-over too.

Not quite clear to me yet why we get so much satisfaction from this endeavour. Tsk.

My favorite line of the night was:

"…will not give the satisfaction of my reaction."

The motto of the PassivO-AggressivOs.

Hahahahahahaha! Made me almost laugh my lungs out.

Even now, when I see this line, it still makes me laugh.

Suddenly, it was the wee hours of the morning already.

We had to go. Twas one hour till closing already.

The latest I’ve been out so far.

Rain stopped at this point.

I realized, I haven’t laughed this uninhibitedly and loudly for quite some time now.

Missed it.

After all the goodbyes and thankyous, it had to end.

I was the last to be dropped off.

Went in. Found my roommate still awake.

Chatted. Catched-up.

Shared stories, insights and personal prayers.

Clean up.

Whispered a prayer.

5 am – had to sleep already.

Sunday morning: Twas all sunny and bright outside.

I woke up with a smile even if I was severely sleep-deprived.

Remembered the laughter and stories shared just hours ago.

Whispered a prayer of gratitude and hope.

Haphazardly bathed and dressed up for mass.

(We were a bit late. Bummer.)

Cereals and milk for breakfast.

Packed my things.

Slipped off my silver sandals, replaced them with my handy-dandy rubber thongs.

Wore my cap.

With my dirty clothes in hand, I headed for home.

Headache. Severe hyperacidity. Sleepiness. But still smiling.

Laughing even, in my mind.

I took the train. I missed this.

It’s been a while since I took this way home.

Stop over. Bought a gift for my dad.

(Hate shopping for men. Such an arduous task for me.)

Took my last ride home.

Arrived. Saw my little brother and sister watching TV.

Smiled at each other. Our way of acknowledging each other’s presence.

Looked for my parents.

Dad was still out playing tennis. Mom was cooking in the kitchen.

Received her blessings and kissed her.

Finally the best part of it all, slept the whole afternoon.

The storm was gloomy and dark.

Something like uncertainty.

But it’s finally over.

It’s bright and sunny again.

Old days are back.

I have a smile on my face again.

I’m back to my old ways again. Only better, wiser I guess.

Another experience under my belt.

Sunshine is like clarity.

It’s going to be sunny. I will make things sunny.

Characters a.k.a. The “Old” friends (in order of appearance):

Me, Lou, Myk, Sar, Gay, She, Esdi, Mary.

Friends, i just got robbed. I’m devastated. That includes my cellphones so please delete my old numbers (09157675504 and 09229492499) and make sure not to contact it anymore for ur own safety. Will announce my new number when i get one.

I fell in love with the movie and with this song. Modern Fairytale.

I can listen to this all night long. Wonder why?

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

Ewan ko kung may ganitong libro kayong tinatago sa mga baul ninyo.

“Mga Paulit-ulit Na Kwento Ng Mga Magulang Natin”

Kung meron.

Aba, makakarelate kayo sakin.

Natatawa kaming magkakapatid tuwing nabubuksan ang librong ito. Madalas nabubuksan ito pag nasa sasakyan kami ng buong pamilya papunta o pauwi galing sa pagsimba. O basta nasa sasakyan kami at napadaan kami sa mga KEY AREAS.

KEY AREAS meaning, mga lugar na nag-eevoke ng memories at feelings sa aming mga magulang.

Pag nangyayari ito, may kwento na kagad silang sisimulan..naku! lalo na si mama.

Ikkwento nila ang kanilang mga buhay nung mga dalaga’t binata pa sila.

Nung “kahirapan pa ng buhay”.

Nung dugyo’t na mga nene at totoy pa sila.

Nung talahib pa ang buong Ortigas at ang makikita mo palang daw ay ang Medical City.

Nung P300 palang ang tuition fee per sem.

Nung ang P5 ay makakabili pa ng isang basket na punong-puno ng galunggong.

Nung ang damit ay pinaplantsa pa gamit ng plantsang di-uling. (sus ko! Hirap nun in ferness!)

Nung ang damit ay inaalmirol pa

Nung wala pang sanitary napkin…(mas mahirap ata toh. hahaha)

Nung ang mga lalaki ay nanghaharana pa pag nanaliligaw.

Nung ang mga lalaki ay napaka-disente pa at dumadalaw pa sa bahay. (Ehem.hahaha)

Nung isang pares pa lang ang sapatos nila at pinapaliguan pa nila ng Coke ito para lang kumintab at tumibay. (ako din, nawarla nung sinabi ng tatay ko yun..)

Nung buhay pa ang lola ko.

Nung ang buhay ay simple pa.

Grabe, ang daming kwento ng mga magulang ko. Mga chapter sa mahiwagang librong ito. At bawat isa dun, naka-ukit na sa puso naming magkakapatid. Lalo pa sa puso at memorya ng mga magulang namin.

Walanjo! Naiiyak ako bigla ah… Pero wait lang, di pa tapos post ko eh…maya na mag-drama.

Napapakinggan na namin ang mga kwentong ito mula pa nung tatlong taong gulang palang ang panganay namin. (Ibig sabihin nun, nasa tiyan pa ko ng nanay ko o pinaplano palang nila kong gawin. Yes, ganun na katagal.)

At sa tuwing papakinggan namin ang mga kwentong ito, pinapakinggan namin sila na parang unang beses palang nila itong kinuwento samin.

Yun nga lang paminsan, dahil kabisado na namin ang mga linya nila. Kami na ang tumatapos ng istorya para sakanila.O kaya naman, sinasabayan na namin sila.

Paminsan, para matapos nalang dahil nakakasawa na. Paminsan naman dahil nakakasawa na. (Ay pareho lang pala yun.)

Oo, ang bad man pakinggan, pero yun ang katotohanan.

Pero siyempre, effort din kaming manahimik nalang minsan at hayaan silang dalawang magkwento… Kasi they tell it like it was their first time to relay the story.

At alam namin na nagdudulot ito ng sobrang kasiyahan sa kanilang dalawa:

Ang kwentuhan ang mga anak nila.

Kaya ang gagawin naming magkakapatid ay magtitinginan nalang at gi-giggle (ano ba kasi tagalong nito?! Imbyerna!!!) ng patago. Hihihi…

Nagkakaintindihan na kami nun. Pero ganun pa man, ang mga moments na ganun ang pinaka ninanamnam ko.

Dahil pag dumating ang araw na uuwi na sa langit ang mga magulang namin, hahanap-hanapin namin ang mga kwento nila. Ang mga boses nila.

At ang nakakalungkot na realidad dun ay pag dating ng panahon na yun, kami-kami nalang ang magkkwentuhan.

Oo, dadating ang araw na yun. Hopefully, not soon. Pero certainly it will come.

Ang dalawang bagay na siguradong mangyayari sa buhay nating lahat ay ang kamatayan at pagbabago.

Kung pwede lang i-record ko na ngayon ang mga boses at kwento nila, gagawin ko.

Kaso nahihiya ako eh.

Naisip ko, mas mabuti na siguro imbis na i-record ko ang mga ito ay pakinggan ko nalang mabuti at itago sa puso ko.

Imbis na i-record ko, iparamdam ko nalang sakanila ang pagmamahal at pagrespeto ko sakanila.

Imbis na i-record ko, ipakita ko nalang ang pagpapasalamat ko sa kanila.

Panahon pa naman ng pasko ngayon.

Panahon ng pamilya.

Panahon ng pagmamahal.

Ayokong i-take for granted ang mga magulang ko. Ang pamilya ko.

Or anyone that I love and care for, for that matter.

Masyadong maikli ang buhay para di magmahal.

Friends, let’s not just proclaim our love for the people that are important to us. Let’s show them.

Sa pamamagitan ng paghalik, pagyakap, paglambing.

By sharing, accepting, forgiving and asking for forgiveness. 

By serving them, helping them, and by being true and honest to them.

By listening, comforting, encouraging and praising.

By writing them heartfelt letters of appreciation and love.

These letters will mean more to them than any expensive gift that Manny este..money can buy.

By cooking for them.

By smiling at them.

By thanking them.

There are so many ways.

Let’s concretize our love. Let’s translate our love to a language that our loved-ones will understand.

Tulad nalang ng pagcompile ng chapters ng librong “Mga Paulit-ulit Na Kwento Ng Mga Magulang Natin”

Dahil balang araw, ang mga librong tulad nito ay magiging mas mahalaga pa sa kahit anong diamante sa mundo.

Merry Christmas everyone! Sana ay puno ng pagmamahal ng Diyos, pamilya, kapatid, at kaibigan ang mga pasko ninyo. Cheers!

Isa itong kantang napakasikat noong 3rd year high school kami. Sikat na ito dati pero nung nirevive ng Freestyle at Pops ay talaga namang pumatok ito sa takilya.

Ewan ko nga ba kung bakit eh kung tutuosin eh napakalungkot ng mensahe ng kanatang ito. Hindi ba? Hindi BAA?!

Naalala ko pa nga, sinayaw pa namin toh nung crush ko nun nung hiskul dance! Shackers! Hahaha! High school nga naman talaga oo. Pero lumang lumang istorya na yun. Hindi yun ang focus ng post na toh.

Medyo nababagabag lang ako noh. Bago natin sagutin ang tanong na ‘Ano nga ba ang sagot sa tanong na ito?’ eh may mas una tayong dapat tanungin at sagutin. At ito ay ‘Sino nga ba ang tinatanong talaga nung kumanta niyan?’

Ang sarili ba niya? Yung taong late na dumating? Si Lord? Ang hangin? O nag-thithink out loud lang talaga siya? Sino men? Sino? Sino nga?

Hay nako! Kasi kung yung nalate yung tinatanong nung kumakanta. E haler!! Malay din ba niya diba?! E basta dumating lang siya eh. Di naman niya akalaing late na pala siya kasi siya, sa orasan niya, tamang-tama lang siya.

Baka iba lang kasi sila ng timezone ano? Kaya di magtugma. Di ba may point naman ako? Dibaaa? Hehehe.

Baka ang mas dapat na tanong eh, “Bakit ang aga mo kasi?” O DIBA?! Mas kasagot sagot.

Isa pang nakakabwisit na kanta na related diyan eh ito:

“Sana dalawa ang puso ko…hindi na sana kailangan pang mamili sainyo…”

Walanjo! Ito na ata ang pinaka-hate kong song sa buong kaibuturan. (imbento ko nalang yung word na ‘kaibuturan’)

Girls, pag kinanta sainyo ito, I proclaim you have the right na awayin, sabunutan, batukan, sampalin o kurutin ang kumakanta sainyo niyan! (Hahahaha)

Ika nga nung dj ng jologs (pero in ferness, napapatawa niya ko) na istasyon sa radio na napakinggan namin nung isang umaga bago pumasok sa ofis eh:

“Ka-bisyo, wag kang sakim!!! Isa –isa lang noh.”

O, alam niyo na kung aling station yun ano? Yes! Love radio! Hahaha.

Ano nga ba ang point ng post ko? Di ko din alam eh…hahaha.

Gusto ko lang din talagang malaman ang sagot sa tanong na yan.

Naisip ko nga eh, hindi kaya, kaya late dumating yung isa at maaga naman yung isa eh, hindi sila meant na magkita talaga?

Or!

Kailangan i-adjust ng isa sakanila ang orasan niya?

Nye!

Hahaha.

Basta, ito nalang siguro ang sagot ko:

HINDI KO DIN ALAM EH.

Kumanta ka pa kasi eh. May naisip tuloy akong i-post. Hahaha.

It’s late but I can’t sleep…or rather, I don’t want to sleep. YET.

I’ve seldom had trouble sleeping anyway.

I just miss this sight of a blank white screen in front of me, waiting for my words to be written on them. It’s been a while.

I wasn’t planning on writing tonight or should I say, this morning.

I was actually having a great day. Till.

But a series of events led me to see some things that I think I’m supposed to see and it led me to think and feel a certain way.

I feel heavy emotions right now. And I know why.

Or do I?

Hmmm. Let me explore my “feelings vocabulary bank” to search for the appropriate words to describe my feelings.

From what I’ve read about Counseling Techniques, it’s always good to explore one’s feelings and I am trying to counsel myself right now.

Grrr. Emotions are getting in the way of my rational thinking. Damn.

Let me see.

I am confused.

I am disappointed.

I want to talk about something but I don’t have enough courage to talk about it right now.

I am afraid.

I am hurt.

I am struggling to be a thinking person in this situation.

I was hopeful about it but now that hope is beginning to fade.

I was willing to take a risk already. Finally. But.

I didn’t mean to see. But.

I’m not sure what to do or think or say.

I need to come up with an answer fast.

I am leaning towards remaining silent.

For a while? OR Till you do something about it?

I was beginning to believe - Persistence does pay-off.

Now, you’re making me doubt it. Again.

Am I really the confused one? Or is it you?

I am trying to understand and appreciate.

But you do things that make me want to do otherwise.

I don’t think it’s fair.

I wish you were sure. You’re playing it safe aren’t you?

Well, so am I.

I thought it was safe.

But now I see, it is quite scary after all.

I don’t play around with these things.

Never will.

I don’t know about you.

I never wanted a complicated thing.

I always wanted simple things. Clarity.

I don’t know if I should blame you or not. I don’t want to I guess.

I’d rather keep silent.

For a while? OR Till you say something about it?

I want to confuse you because you have confused me.

I will be clear if you will be as well.

Words are one thing.

Things done or undone are another.

I guess I’ll have a good sleep tonight (or should I say ‘this morning’).

As with most nights.

Nothing to wake me, nothing to answer.

Because I will not answer.

For a while? OR Till you do something about it?

Catharsis. Works every time.

For the meantime, I will get on with my life.

It was simple before I became confused.

Let me confuse you too.

NBSB - No Boyfriend Since Birth

Ako ay bente-uno anyos. Mag bebente dos na sa January. Hindi pa ko nagkaka boyfriend ever.

Some people find this hard to believe and understand. Some are surprised and some understand naman.

Syempre, sanay na sanay na ko sa follow-up question pag nalaman nilang hindi pa ko nagkaka-boyfirned..”Huh?! Bakit?!”.

Gusto ko lagi sabihin, “Haler! Hindi ako nag-iisa sa mundo na ganito?!”. Sometimes some people make it sound as if it’s a handicap or I’m missing out on a lot. Some people naman nabebelib. Others, they immediately giggle and treat you as if you’re the most naïve person they’ve ever met and that you don’t know a thing about relationships. Or others, they think it’s so “Manang” of you.. haha!

Hindi ko malaman paminsan kung tatanggapin ko siya bilang isang compliment o insulto eh. Pero siyempre, I always take it positively. I understand naman na hindi lang naiintindihan nung tao yung sitwasyon at paniniwala ko. Kaya nga siya nagtatanung kung bakit eh.

May isa pa kong paboritong linya eh..”So hindi ka pa na-iinlove?”

To answer the question the way I think it was trying to be asked, NO. I haven’t been in love Romantically yet. But to answer the question in general terms.. YES, I have been in love. I am in love. I am loved and I am loving in return. In fact, I receive so much love from other people and from God that I am not in a hurry to have a boyfriend who will fill my heed to be “loved”.

Well, hindi naman ako kapangitan, katabaan, kasamaan. Mabait naman akong tao at sa tingin ko magiging mabuti din naman akong girlfriend pag dating ng panahon.

Just to answer the question, wala naman akong iisang sagot sa tanong na yan eh. Madami talagang rason kung bakit wala pa.

Una, bata pa ako nun. (Although bata parin naman ako, mas mature nalang ako ngayon..harhar.)Sineseryoso ko kasi ang mga relationships kaya ayaw ko ng pa-fling fling lang. Gusto ko isang healthy at mature na relationship. I always stood by my belief na ayaw kong magka-boyfriend just for the sake of having one. A great relationship is always, always worth the wait.

Naniniwala kasi ako na at certain stages of our lives, we have a particular role to do and a particular thing to be learned. I respect the decision of other people of course na nag-enter na sa relationship at an early age. They have their own belief systems and values. Well, so do I. Different lang talaga. I think respect should beget respect. We don’t have to always agree with other people but we should always respect each other.

Siyempre ako naman, kahit na single ako, I do my part in trying to learn about relationships through good books, stories and experiences of parents, brothers and sisters, relatives, friends, God, and now, even from my students. While waiting for the right time and the right person, I am trying to be the best person that I can be so that pagdating niya, I can give him na the best of me.

Some people say, “Pero iba parin ang first-hand experience eh.” Sure, I agree! But I believe it doesn’t always have to be the case. If I can save myself from all the emotional turmoil and roller-coasters of premature relationships, I will! I’d rather use up my energy, time, resources, and efforts for things that will help me grow as a single person instead of wasting my time on unhealthy relationships that just drain me. I feel that if I prepare myself first as a single person before entering a relationship, I will be better able to handle relationship issues when they arise. I will be more knowledgeable on how to continually enrich and strengthen my relationship.

Syempre there are those certain few who found great partners at a young age. To all of them, good for you! Really! (no sarcasm here.) To be able to celebrate love at this point in your life is a great blessing. But for the rest of the world who haven’t, it’s not the saddest thing in the world either.

So yun nga, nung bata pa ako, my role then was to study and I had to learn first to love myself to be able to give love to others.

Secondly, when there is a prospect guy or a suitor or a guy friend involved already, things just don’t seem to work out pa eh. I think it’s also God’s way of helping and protecting me kaya hindi talaga nag-wowork out ang mga bagay bagay pag sa tingin ko may chance. Alam ni God na deep inside, di pa ko prepared. Lagi ko namang dinadasal sa Kanya yun eh. Na pagpalain niya ang magiging relationship ko. Alam Niya sigurong pag nagwork out between me and the guy, hindi makakabuti para sa amin at hindi pa ako ganun kalakas para kayanin ang kung anu mang dumating..kaya Siya na din ang gumagawa ng paraan para tulungan ako.

By not working out, I mean a lot of things. It may be, Gusto ko, hindi nanliligaw o di ako kilala. Gusto ako, friend material lang kaya ko ibigay. Gusto ko, Gusto ako pero

Malabo

. O kaya, wrong timing. Iba-iba ang mga pangyayari. Pero wala akong regrets sa mga naging desisyon ko. I’m glad I made those decisions. May mga panghihinayang paminsan pero alam ko deep inside tama mga naging desisyon ko. The best is yet to come. I believe that.

Thirdly, basically parang yung second reason ko na din eh. Wala pa kong makitang person na magpapalakas-loob na sakin to take the leap. Meron siguro pero yun nga, balik lang tayo sa 2^nd reason-hindi magwork-out.

Ayan, clear na. Wala lang..gusto ko lang i-share mga saloobin ko about this. If I begin to talk about the roots and foundations, basis of my beliefs, aabutin ako ng siyam-siyam kakatype.

It’s really not about being “pihikan”. I just believe that if I have been preparing and improving myself, trying to be the best person I can be, I think I also deserve someone who is giving the same effort somehow. No, I’m not asking for Mr. Perfect. No such thing. Even I will never be Ms. Perfect ever. But just like salvation, it’s not really about achieving perfection that is important but the effort you give in trying to do good and in trying to be the best that you can be.

These are MY OWN values and beliefs that I am talking about. I completely respect the choices of other people. I believe they made their decisions based on what they believe was best for them as well. But if these thoughts of mine could be of enlightenment or assistance to others, then I will be glad.

Noong minsan ay naisipan kong pumunta sa salon para magpaganda ng buhok.

Hindi ko naman alam na ten thousand years pala ang aabutin ko doon sa tagal ng prosesong gagawin.

Buti na lang at may dala akong libro at kung anu-ano pang babasahin. Medyo nakakasawa na kasi tumingin sa mga magazines sa salon kung minsan kasi puro mga flawless at seksing mga babae at lalaki ang nakikita mo dito.

Paminsan kung di ka maingat eh bababa pa ang self-eseem mo sa mga nakikita mo o kaya naman lalaki gastusin mo sa pagbili ng mga beauty products na inaadvertise dito. Kahit alam mo namang todo photo-edit ang mga pics sa magazine o kaya naman eh anorexic ang mga modelo nila, di mo parin mapigilang isipin na realidad na magaganda talaga ang kutis at katawan nila.

Anyway, nalalayo ako sa kwento. Hindi iyon ang gusto ko talagang ikwento. Ang point ko actually is, buti na lang at may dala akong babasahin na mas kaengga-engganyong basahin at pagnilayan. Nakaka-boost na ng self-esteem, nakakabuti pa para sayo. ahehe. Plugging lang sandali: try reading The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly. Truly enlightening.

As I was saying, ayun nga, ilang dekada akong nakaupo doon sa salon habang nilalagyan ng kung anu-anong gamot ang aking buhok. Natapos ko na yung librong binabasa ko, di parin tapos. Naka tatlong beses ata ako inofferan ng kape nung mga tao dun. Tanggi naman ako ng tanggi.. Noong mga last hour ko dun, bumigay na din ako at pumayag. Naisip ko, “kaya pala nila ko inoofferan ng kape kasi alam nilang maglalamay ako sa tagal doon”.

Buti nalang at may tv sila doon na malakas ang volume kaya naririnig ko ang pinapanood nila. It so happened na kapuso sila. Although I’m not really fond of watching local channels, kung papipiliin mo ko sa pagitan ng kapuso at kapamilya, kapamilya talaga ko. Siyempre, andun si Luis Manzano at Derek Ramsey eh..haha. Pero seryoso, two over seven ako.

Eh nung araw na yun, wah akong choice kundi maki-jive nalang sa trip nila dun. Naaalala ko nalang na pinapanuod nila noon ay Zaido. Pinilit ko nalang ipikit ang mga mata ko at isara ang pandinig ko kasi di ko talaga kayang panuorin siya. Kahit na ang bida dun ay ang dati kong crush na si Dennis Trillo, di ko talaga keri. Baka masuka lang ako bago pa matapos yung show.

Parang wowowee..allergic ako dun eh. Ayoko namang gumawa pa ng eksena dun sa pagsuka noh. Matagal na nga hair treatment ko, patatagalin ko pa sila sa paglinis ng mga nakain ko. So, basa na lang ulit. Hanggang sa natapos na siya sa wakas.

Sumunod na ata ang Marimar. Naisip ko, ah eto eto, mas okay toh kahit papano. Napanood ko yung original na Marimar nung si Thalia pa at tinapos ko yun nun. Ang ganda kasi ni Thalia nun eh. Baka sakaling medyo magustuhan ko din toh kako.

Habang tumatagal ko siyang pinapanuod, lalo akong naweirduhan kay Marimar. Ang scene kasi nun ay hinahanap ng anak niya ang daddy niya, who happens to be Sergio, Eto namang si Marimar, ayaw niyang makilala ng anak nila ang kanyang ama.

Pramis, nung pinapakinggan ko dialogue ni Marimar at nung anak niya, akala ko may sayad si Marimar. Di ko malaman kung multiple personality disorder oh bipolar personality disorder ba ang ma-dadiagnose ko sa kanya eh. Kung ako yung bata, hindi ko talaga gugustuhin na maging ina yung si MArimar, Pano ba naman ganito ang usapan nila (hindi na toh syempre eksakto sa script, pero something to this effect):

Anak: Mommy, I wanna learn how to bake a chocolate cake so that when I meet my dad, I’ll bake him a cake. Ma, sino nga po ba talaga ang daddy ko?

Marimar (nung una ay nakangiti pero nung narinig ang anak na binaggit ang asawa niya ay biglang sumama ang mukha: Anak, hindi mo na makikilala ang daddy mo. Hindi na.

*Ako: aba, napaka-gentle naman ni Marimar ano? How sensitive of a mom..hehe.. to think ano, tipong mga 6-years old ang anak niya. Nice approach, straightforward..cough cough.*

Anak: Huhuhuhu.. Bakit mommy?!

Marimar (medyo galit na naiiyak na parang concerned sa anak at the same time pero mostly galit): Anak, bata ka pa kasi kaya hindi mo pa maiintindihan si mommy. Pero alam mo naman na mahal na mahal kita diba? Dapat alam mo na hindi mo makukuha lahat ng gusto mo, kaya tahan na..

Anak: (lalong lumakas ang iyak..)

*Ako: I don’t blame her..hehe woohoo! sige lang anak, iyak ka lang.i think you deserve to cry..Swabe talaga ni MArimar! Ang ganda ng transition ng ideas ano? Favourite ko yung last line niya eh..hehehe.. How selfless naman! Nice.*

Siyempre, hindi tumahan yung bata ano? Kung ikaw ba, tatahan ka sa style ng pag-console ni MArimar? Kaya hindi ako magtataka kung lumaki yung bata na yun na maladjusted o magka attitude problem o may personality disorder din. Hay, enough na sa MArimar. Buti nalang maganda talaga si Marian Rivera…kung sino man siya.

Tapos biglang nagsalita yung isang baklang hairdresser sa likod ko.

Bakla: Ang sakit ng balakang ko.

Mommy (sinagot yung hairdresser na bakla sa likod namin na ginugupitan naman yung binatang lalaki na customer na ang pinapagawa ata eh yung usong-usong gupit ng mga batang lalaki ngayon, yung EMO ata yun. Basta, yung may parang pugad sa gitna ng ulo na inaayos ng patayo o patagilid gamit ang wax o gel tapos manipis yung gilid ng ulo. Yun.): Ano? Di ka pa nanganganak, masakit na balakang mo?!

Hanggang tenga naman siyempre ngiti ng lola gay niyo while saying…

Bakla: tatlong beses na nga ako nakunan eh. Sa states pa.

*Ako: ay ambisyosa ang lola! Nagkababy na sa states pa! interesting itoh.*

Mommy: Ah talaga? San ka dun? Sa NYC ako eh..di tayo nagkita.

Bakla: Sa

New Orleans

ako. Remember yung Typhoon Katrina. Yun, nakunan ako nun. Nabuntis ako ng pangalawang asawa ko nun. ThankS God nabuhay kami nun! (note: wala pong typographical error sa linyang iyon.)

Mommy: ah oo, nakauwi ako nun dito eh. Tamang tama lang bago dumating yung Typhoon Katrina. San malapit yung New Oreleans?

Bakla: Sa

Kentucky

..

Mommy: Fried Chicken? Hahahaha..

Bakla: haha.oo.

*Ako: ayon! nakakatawa talaga ang jokes nila diba? diba?! DIBA?!!! haha..*

Biglang sumali sa usapan ang isa pang ate doon na may hawak na walis.

Ate: Ilan na ba naging asawa mo?

Bakla: anim.

Mommy: anu-ano namang mga nasyonalidad nila?

Bakla: May Hapon, May Pilipino din..

Ate: Eh arabo? May naging asawa ka bang Arabo?

Bakla: ay wala. Poor country lang kasi yun eh. Ayoko nung poor.

*Ako: nagtingin-tingin ako sa paligid baka may arabong customer. Wala naman, buti. Pano kasi ako nalang ata customer nun. Buti nagka-asawa kang Pilipino..*

Mommy: ah gusto niyan mga German, sa

Europe

.

*Ako: ah okay..*

Hay nagenjoy ako dun ah! Teka, another decade nanaman ang lumipas, di parin tapos? Shucks.

Lumipas pa ng lumipas ang oras hanggang sa wakas, finishing touches nalang ang ginagawa sa hair ko. Eh nung time na yun, may mga construction worker na sa loob nung salon kasi may gagawin sila sa tiles nung place at gabi nila ginagawa yun para di sumabay sa mga customer.

Nakatingin sa hair ko si Mommy at ang isang Kuyang CW na ngongo pala habang nag-uusap

Kuya CW: Mangano yung nganyan?

Mommy: P2000. Paganto mo girlfriend mo. Diba kulot yun?

Kuya CW: ngOngO. Ngaso ngayaw ngo ngasi mag gangyan ang muhok niya, ngingiwan ngako nun!

Mommy: Hindi.. Kung mahal ka ng tao, di ka iiwan nun kahit ano pa itsura mo.

Kuya CW: Ngyoko marin! Ngingiwan ngako nun!

*Ako: Hay! Go Kuya CW! Thanks for entertaining me.*

Finally, natapos din. Natuwa ako nung araw na iyon. Pano, maganda na hair ko, nakainom pa ko ng libreng kape at pinaka-masaya pa don, natawa pa ko. Hay buhay!